Happy Valentine's Day! I asked the sex educator and bestselling author, whose new book is "Come Together," to tell us all the ways my generation is screwed up about sex.
Glad to read something about my favorite subject. I tried the link to the book but it didn’t work. Perhaps a message to go to my real bookstore??? Anyway, at 78 sex is still super important and not just on Valentine’s Day. Keep broadcasting the message to all women that we deserve pleasure!
I recall no GFs acting out romance novels. Iff they were less than highly satisfied, they let me know. I don't go by histrionics as in When Harry Met Sally. But if the vaginal walls go into spasm, with breathing disordered, chest flushed? How fake vaginal spasms? Or anal? At least a couple GFs I'd occasionally have to stop making love as they seemed by objective indicia to be heading to passing out from the impact of repeated and/or continuing orgasm. I learned much as a frustrated teen reading letters in Penthouse. Much may have been fictional, ludicrous. But they dispelled the myth all women experience vaginal orgasms. That I should remain attentive to them, see what draws an excited response, cumulatively building. That woman are different, including the same one at different times. If I didn't remain attentive, react accordingly, doing the same thing time/again would be a disaster. Pay attention to the clitoris. I regard teaching women to fake to be unethical, destructive. I don't want to be intimate with someone I can't trust. Even with my most orgasmic GFs, they would have times when they didn't climax. I'd seek guidance, but sometimes it just wasn't there. Including if our romance was not in a good place. I don't have any fantasies. Just want to wildly satisfy my GF, whatever this entails. Short of my hurting them, no matter what "consent." I don't want to get hurt either, but games fine. Nothing magical. Want intensity, digging nails into my back, not gentle. And of course, much mutual reward. One GF told me she wanted to climax together. Usually, we did. But on this occasion, I didn't bother. I'm glad she spoke up. It was a request with her I could most always abide. So I wanted to, did. I found that most GFs liked me to hold their wrists behind them. As though restrained, but I'd let them go at any moment they indicated they wanted me to.
Thank you, Mark, for posting this. I know men and women can have fabulous sex but it does require communication. Speaking up about what feels best for real is what counts. Sex education for all and keeping at it, just like any exercise. My current man is younger which is nice but not necessarily a requirement.
Communication, I agree. In my experience, this has been mostly nonverbal. I can't know whether my GFs and I are outliers. Most all, we were in love and familiar with one another outside of bed. There was one love who I figured I should try a sit-down with before giving up. This was followed later by intense lovemaking. My heart lept. Until she said her intensity reflected desperation, and she didn't like feeling so. My heart plunged from thrilled to despair. Seemed we simply weren't compatible. She mocked my passion -- my passion for her. She preferred control, holding back: at least with me. Despite effusive love, intimacy, affection out of bed. The gulf extended to cuddling in bed. She wanted "space." Nothing to reconcile with talk, it seemed.
Glad to read something about my favorite subject. I tried the link to the book but it didn’t work. Perhaps a message to go to my real bookstore??? Anyway, at 78 sex is still super important and not just on Valentine’s Day. Keep broadcasting the message to all women that we deserve pleasure!
Ha! Sorry about the link but I like the local bookstore as the hidden message!
I recall no GFs acting out romance novels. Iff they were less than highly satisfied, they let me know. I don't go by histrionics as in When Harry Met Sally. But if the vaginal walls go into spasm, with breathing disordered, chest flushed? How fake vaginal spasms? Or anal? At least a couple GFs I'd occasionally have to stop making love as they seemed by objective indicia to be heading to passing out from the impact of repeated and/or continuing orgasm. I learned much as a frustrated teen reading letters in Penthouse. Much may have been fictional, ludicrous. But they dispelled the myth all women experience vaginal orgasms. That I should remain attentive to them, see what draws an excited response, cumulatively building. That woman are different, including the same one at different times. If I didn't remain attentive, react accordingly, doing the same thing time/again would be a disaster. Pay attention to the clitoris. I regard teaching women to fake to be unethical, destructive. I don't want to be intimate with someone I can't trust. Even with my most orgasmic GFs, they would have times when they didn't climax. I'd seek guidance, but sometimes it just wasn't there. Including if our romance was not in a good place. I don't have any fantasies. Just want to wildly satisfy my GF, whatever this entails. Short of my hurting them, no matter what "consent." I don't want to get hurt either, but games fine. Nothing magical. Want intensity, digging nails into my back, not gentle. And of course, much mutual reward. One GF told me she wanted to climax together. Usually, we did. But on this occasion, I didn't bother. I'm glad she spoke up. It was a request with her I could most always abide. So I wanted to, did. I found that most GFs liked me to hold their wrists behind them. As though restrained, but I'd let them go at any moment they indicated they wanted me to.
Thank you, Mark, for posting this. I know men and women can have fabulous sex but it does require communication. Speaking up about what feels best for real is what counts. Sex education for all and keeping at it, just like any exercise. My current man is younger which is nice but not necessarily a requirement.
Communication, I agree. In my experience, this has been mostly nonverbal. I can't know whether my GFs and I are outliers. Most all, we were in love and familiar with one another outside of bed. There was one love who I figured I should try a sit-down with before giving up. This was followed later by intense lovemaking. My heart lept. Until she said her intensity reflected desperation, and she didn't like feeling so. My heart plunged from thrilled to despair. Seemed we simply weren't compatible. She mocked my passion -- my passion for her. She preferred control, holding back: at least with me. Despite effusive love, intimacy, affection out of bed. The gulf extended to cuddling in bed. She wanted "space." Nothing to reconcile with talk, it seemed.