"thanks to a new New York state law that extended the statute of limitations for sexual assault victims" I've heard about this law, and curious how many women have come forward because of it? Besides this famous case—are there many more? Thanks for your work, Jessica!
Jessica, thanks for keeping up a subscription free newsletter essay here. Your voice fills a valuable niche in my life here in Japan. I’m still teaching a class in continuatng education for retired business men and women a à university I used to teach full time at.. your authentic voice of US women, doesn’t matter the age, is GREATLY APPRECIATED. I am surrounded by 4 women in our family...but their communication style is Japanese, if you know what I mean, (sorry no link available yet lol) so I m starved for feedback on issues Even you and your readers would be interested in...ok I’ll keep trying.
Or then there's this — me in February 2023 thinking about November 2008: >>>Babydaddy begins to rape me. I fight him and tell him to stop, but, well, you’ve been married, maybe, so you know how it is: You don’t holler at the top of your voice because the toddler’s asleep in the crib beside you and you can’t have him open his eyes and see *this*, plus even if you wake the household the other grownups will not be on your side. You fight with all your strength but you don’t fight dirty, don’t grab the sewing scissors off the bedside table and jam them into Babydaddy’s eyeball because, well, he’s drunk and he has brain damage and maybe he can’t help it and — <<< Yeah. So many reasons. https://jennelisewebster.substack.com/p/fragments-for-a-monograph
The history of screaming (or not) goes as far back as the Bible. In Deuteronomy, it says if a woman in the city is raped and doesn't scream for help, she is culpable for consenting. In the country, or out in the fields, a woman is presumed to have screamed, but no one heard her, so the man will be punished, but not her. Ancient patriarchal misogyny. Me personally, I didn't want to antagonize him further, so I kept quiet until I could get away.
Jessica, I enjoyed this piece and can’t help but recall my reaction to the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. I was livid as I watched most of my female friends side “team Kavanugh.” I couldn’t believe these mothers of sims and daughters could not remember being “Kavaunaughed” as I phrased it. Unfortunate for me, I have been “Kavanaughed” more time than I could count. Like Justice Kavanaugh, I was educated in a Catholic high school, and I then attended a Catholic university. Unlike Justice Kavanaugh, I wasn’t admitted to an Ivys. But I digress, for me, in these Catholic schools, there were many Catholic boys who drank too much and wanted to explore their prowess with those of us who were “saving ourselves” for Mr. Right. Now, I’m not asserting that every female I knew those days was not down to clown, all I know is that the majority of women I knew were discerning when It came to expressing and experiencing their sexuality.
I was cornered, held down, pushed, pinned, guilted--in one case the guy even cried--at least twenty times. All really good guys by day who after a few drinks would reveal the inner beast and they wanted me as their kill. This is not to brag. Some might say I asked for it. I was, and am, a very friendly, open, curious, naive lover of people and a couple of drinks. My assailants were hammered, sometimes blackout drunk, for the most part.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t hit. I didn’t punch. I learned very quickly to wiggle my way out of these threatening scenarios.
At juvenile court I listened to any number of eight 9-10-year-old girls talk about how their fathers grandfathers stepfathers uncles cousins pinned them down- covered their mouth’s with hands or a pillow while they raped these tiny girls-repeatedly evidently Mr Bully doesn’t have a clue about what rape entails. Young kids and women are often threatened with their lives or threaten that family members will be killed if they tell!
"thanks to a new New York state law that extended the statute of limitations for sexual assault victims" I've heard about this law, and curious how many women have come forward because of it? Besides this famous case—are there many more? Thanks for your work, Jessica!
Jessica, thanks for keeping up a subscription free newsletter essay here. Your voice fills a valuable niche in my life here in Japan. I’m still teaching a class in continuatng education for retired business men and women a à university I used to teach full time at.. your authentic voice of US women, doesn’t matter the age, is GREATLY APPRECIATED. I am surrounded by 4 women in our family...but their communication style is Japanese, if you know what I mean, (sorry no link available yet lol) so I m starved for feedback on issues Even you and your readers would be interested in...ok I’ll keep trying.
Or then there's this — me in February 2023 thinking about November 2008: >>>Babydaddy begins to rape me. I fight him and tell him to stop, but, well, you’ve been married, maybe, so you know how it is: You don’t holler at the top of your voice because the toddler’s asleep in the crib beside you and you can’t have him open his eyes and see *this*, plus even if you wake the household the other grownups will not be on your side. You fight with all your strength but you don’t fight dirty, don’t grab the sewing scissors off the bedside table and jam them into Babydaddy’s eyeball because, well, he’s drunk and he has brain damage and maybe he can’t help it and — <<< Yeah. So many reasons. https://jennelisewebster.substack.com/p/fragments-for-a-monograph
The history of screaming (or not) goes as far back as the Bible. In Deuteronomy, it says if a woman in the city is raped and doesn't scream for help, she is culpable for consenting. In the country, or out in the fields, a woman is presumed to have screamed, but no one heard her, so the man will be punished, but not her. Ancient patriarchal misogyny. Me personally, I didn't want to antagonize him further, so I kept quiet until I could get away.
I did not know this, Andrea! I will look it up. So far back so many of these internalized misperceptions go. Thanks so much for commenting with this!
Jessica, I enjoyed this piece and can’t help but recall my reaction to the Brett Kavanaugh hearings. I was livid as I watched most of my female friends side “team Kavanugh.” I couldn’t believe these mothers of sims and daughters could not remember being “Kavaunaughed” as I phrased it. Unfortunate for me, I have been “Kavanaughed” more time than I could count. Like Justice Kavanaugh, I was educated in a Catholic high school, and I then attended a Catholic university. Unlike Justice Kavanaugh, I wasn’t admitted to an Ivys. But I digress, for me, in these Catholic schools, there were many Catholic boys who drank too much and wanted to explore their prowess with those of us who were “saving ourselves” for Mr. Right. Now, I’m not asserting that every female I knew those days was not down to clown, all I know is that the majority of women I knew were discerning when It came to expressing and experiencing their sexuality.
I was cornered, held down, pushed, pinned, guilted--in one case the guy even cried--at least twenty times. All really good guys by day who after a few drinks would reveal the inner beast and they wanted me as their kill. This is not to brag. Some might say I asked for it. I was, and am, a very friendly, open, curious, naive lover of people and a couple of drinks. My assailants were hammered, sometimes blackout drunk, for the most part.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t hit. I didn’t punch. I learned very quickly to wiggle my way out of these threatening scenarios.
Im so sorry you experienced this — “Kavanaughed,” “Cosbied,” “Weinsteined” — ugh. You are certainly not a lone and thank you for sharing ♥️
At juvenile court I listened to any number of eight 9-10-year-old girls talk about how their fathers grandfathers stepfathers uncles cousins pinned them down- covered their mouth’s with hands or a pillow while they raped these tiny girls-repeatedly evidently Mr Bully doesn’t have a clue about what rape entails. Young kids and women are often threatened with their lives or threaten that family members will be killed if they tell!
It makes more sense to me that someone would freeze in fear than scream while being SA-ed.